Twilight: The abridged version
by writtenonthebullet
Summary: The Twilight abridged version. Why read all those long books when you can read just some pages?
1. Twilight Part 1

**Authors Note: I do not own Twilight in any way, it is all Stephenie Meyer's. This is out of good fun, I actually like the Twilight review and tell me what you think. Make sure to check out my HP fanfics. =]**

Twilight Pt.1

Bella: Hello, I hate life and I have to go live with my dad in forks.

Charlie: I am anti-social and I don't notice anything, like vampires. Bella is a lot like me. Bella, I bought you a car. It's old.

Bella: Charlie, I am thinking about how much I hate old cars, but I love this one.

Charlie: Good. Billy's hot son that you'll fall in love with fixed it.

Bella: Cool. I am gonna go unpack.

Charlie: Cool. I am gonna watch sports and get drunk.

**NEXT DAY**

Bella: I am going to school in the rain.

Mike: I LOVE YOU BELLAAA!

Angela: My name is Angela. My name is Angela. My name is Angela.

Jessica: Like, Mike, like, come, like, talk to me.

*Cullen's walk in like supermodels'

Bella: Their hot.

*Bella runs up to Edward*

Bella: I LOVE YOU!!!!

Edward: I am leaving to go control myself cause I want to suck your blood.

Mike: C'mon now!

**NEXT WEEK**

Edward: So, your messed up, I'm messed up. Wanta get together?

Bella: CHYEAH!

Edward: I am dangerous though. Beware.

Bella: That's ok. I am too! I fall over a lot.

Edward: ME TOO!

**NEXT DAY**

Bella: LALALALALALALA *listening to iPod while in parking lot*

*Van almost crashes into her, but Edward saves her*

Edward: It's ok now I'm here!

Bella: Oh my gosh! How'd you do that? You're so fast and strong.

Edward: I know.

Tyler: I am sorry, Bella. *Has big gash in his face*

Bella: It's ok. I forgive you.

**LATER AT THE HOSPITAL**

Bella: How'd you save me, Edward?

Edward: I have a secret that I can't tell you yet.

Bella: UGH! Ok.

Mike: *pops up outta nowhere* Wanta go to the dance?

Bella: No. I am going to buy books!

Mike: I'm hot though…

Bella: Books are better.

Mike: Aww, ok.

**NEXT DAY**

*In Biology Class, Edward isn't here because he skipped*

Teacher: We are blood-typing today. YAY!

Bella: Ok, cool!

Mike: I WANNA GO FIRST!

*Mike bleeds a little and Bella gets all woozy*

Teacher: Bella you can go. Mike help Bella.

Mike: YES!

Edward: I will take it from hereee!

Mike: NO!

Edward: YES! *Shows fangs*

Mike: OK!

*Edward carries Bella to the nurse and he takes her home*

**Authors note: Hope you liked it. Once again this is all in good fun. I have nothing against the Twilight series at all.**


	2. Twiilight Part 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I usually update everyday, but I may not tomorrow because it's Christmas Eve. Happy Holidays!**

Twilight Part:2

Bella: I am at home reading, because FREAKIN EDWARDDD had to bring me home against my will. It's upsetting me.

Charlie: WHY ARE YOU HOME ALREADY?

Bella: A boy brought me home cause I was dying at school.

Charlie: *mutters* why didn't he just let you die…

Bella: WHAT!?

Charlie: I said…HOW SWEET OF HIM…

*Bella goes back to her room*

Bella: I am overcoming this crazy sensation that Edward is a vampire. I'm gonna go to the beach tomorrow with my friends to find out more!

NEXT DAY AT THE BEACH

Bella: Wow, the beach is pretty.

Mike: Not really…it's raining.

Bella: I like rain..it's pretty..like the beach.

Jacob: Hey, Bella.

Bella: How do you know me? Are you a stalker?

Jacob: No..I am Billy's son…The hot one?

Bella: OH! Ok.

Jacob: Wanna hear scary stories..they may turn you on?

Bella: Ok.

Jacob: Once upon a time there was werewolves and they hunted bad things like vampires. So they saw these vampires that looked like the Cullens once. Yeah, their vampires.

Bella: OH MY GAWSH! I have to google it to make sure though.

Jacob: Okay. Wanna go out?

Bella: Not really…

Jacob: Around a year, you will fall for me. *blows kiss*

Bella: AKWARD!

**Author's Note: Sorry for the shortness. Please review you guys! I need to know your there! If I get five more reviews and I will write a new chapter tomorrow.**


	3. Twilight part 3

**AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry for the long while to update, one of my new year's resolutions is too update more often. Review and favorite!**

Twilight part three

Charlie: Bella, wanna watch football?

Bella: No, dad. I do not want to watch sports with you! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME ANYMORE! *Bella runs off crying*

Charlie: Once again, why didn't that boy just let her die…

Bella: I HEARD THAT!

*In Bella's room*

Bella: I am depressed and I need some music. Hmm...This Linkin Park CD should do. Stupid Phil, not knowing what I like.

*Bella fell asleep, Dream state*

Bella: Jacob are you a wolf?

Jacob: RUN FROM THE VAMPIRESSSS!

*Bella wakes up screaming*

Charlie: WHY ARE YOU SCREAMIN?!

Bella: I had a bad dream. Sorry.

Charlie: Whatever

*Bella gets up when Charlie leaves and goes on computer*

Bella: Vampiress…Oh my god this is scary shit. This sounds like Edward and his family.

*Back at school*

Mike: Bella….*drools*

Bella: Mike...what's wrong?

Mike: Your hair is pretty...sometimes.

Bella: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMETIMES?!

Mike: I don't know, sometimes you get lazy and don't do it.

Bella: Ugh…go away.

Edward: *looks at Bella seductively*

Bella: Awww, he loves me…


	4. Twilight Part 4

**A/N: First of all, I would like to thank you all for your reviews, I really appreciate it and every one I read brightens my day, so thank you. Another thing, I don't think I said yet that I will be updating this fanfiction every week, on Saturday or Sunday. By the way, this chapter may be a bit long because I am basing it off of chapters 8. Please review and fave!**

ON THE PHONE

Jessica: Bella, like, do, like, you, like, wanna, like, go, like, dress, like, shopping?

Bella: I'm not going to the dance though because no one likes me. *thinks about Edward staring at her*

Jessica: Oh, like, ok, like, but, like, you, like, should, like, come, like, to ,like , tell, like, me, like, I'm , like, pretty.

Bella: Oh ok, Jessica!

Jessica: By, like, the, like, way, like, Angela, like, is, like, coming. Like.

Bella: Ok! Bye Jess!

Jessica: Like, bye!

*Hangs Up*

Bella: Every time I talk to Jessica I get a headache, she talks so fast.

IN THE CAR

Bella: God, Jess you drive fast.

Jessica: Bella, like, you, like, have, like, to, like, go, like, fast, like, if, like, you, like, want, like, to, like, get, like, somewhere.

Bella: I guess. Who's taking you to the dance?

Jessica: Mike, like.

Bella: Cool.

Jessica: Yeah, like, too, like, bad, like, everyone, like, hates, like, you.

Angela: My name's Angela!

LATER IN THE STORE

Jessica: Like, isn't, like, this, like, cute, like, on, like, me?

Bella: Yeah, too bad everyone hates me and won't ask me out. *cries*

Jessica: Shut, like, up.

*Angela is trying on shoes*

Angela: My name is Angela and I like these shoes!

Jessica: They, like, are, like, cute.

*Jessica leaves to look at jewelry*

Bella: Angela

*Angela cuts her off*

Angela: My name's Angela…AND YOU KNOW MY NAME!?

Bella: Yeah, now can I ask you the question?

Angela: My name's Angela and yeah!

Bella: Is it normal for those hot Cullen's to be out of school a lot?

Angela: My name is Angela and they are always gone. They go camping a lot.

Bella: Ok, well, I am gonna go buy books, because I could care less about what you wear to the prom. Tell Jess I left.

Angela: My name is Angela and Ok!

*Bella gets lost on her way to the book store and runs into some people, cough, rapists.*

Guy #1: HEY!

Bella: Hiiii! What's up?

*Bella starts to leave because she is very absentminded*

Guy #2: WAIT!

*Guy grabs Bella and try's to rape her but she tries to go ninja on them and it doesn't work so she screams, than Edward comes out of the ground with his Volvo like Michael Jackson came out on the Thriller tour*

Edward: I am here now. You are safe.

*Bella swoons and Edward pulls her in his car*

Edward: I WANT TO RIP THERE HEADS OFF!

Bella: WHOA! Bipolar much?!

Edward: Yeah.

Bella: That's ok. You're hot.

Edward: I know.

*Edward and Bella make out for a bit*

Edward: Let's go eat dinner. Humans eat right?

Bella: What?

Edward: I mean, GIRLS eat right?

Bella: Yeah, sometimes.

Edward: Ok, *Pulls into a little Italian restaurant*

Jessica: Where, like, have, like, you, like, been?

Bella: WITH MY BOYFRIEND SO BACK OFF BITCH!

Jessica: Like whatever, like, hater.

*Jess and Angela leave*

Edward: GET ME A TABLE RIGHT NOW!

Bella: Wow, harsh.

Waitress: Hey there…

*Waitress takes them to a table*

Edward: Two cokes and ravioli.

Waitress: Ok, that was fast.

Bella: I hate raviolis.

Edward: Just eat it.

Bella: I don't drink coke. I sniff it.

Edward: Shut up.

Bella: Don't believe me than.

*Bella eats and drinks her cokes, surprisingly. Then they leave*

Bella: YOU'RE COLD!

Edward: I know, isn't it hot?

Bella: Yeah, not technically though.

Edward: That wasn't funny.

Bella: I know. Wanna make out?

Edward: No.

Bella: Oh. Bye.

Edward: Leave.

Bella: I am!

Edward: Good. Because I make them good girls go bad.

Bella: I LOVE YOU!

Edward: LEAVE!

Bella: Fine.

**A/N: I hope you caught a few of my references. Whoever catches them gets an apple! Please review and fave!**


	5. Twilight Part 5

**A /N- Sorry for how short this chapter is, I will give an extra long one next week. Hope you enjoy. Fave and review!**

Bella: I'm going to SCHOOLLLLLLL!

Charlie: SHUT UP!

Bella: I want to try out for American Idol though. So I'm practicing.

Charlie: Simon will hate you.

Bella: I HEARD THAT!

LATER AT SCHOOL

Edward: You should ride to school with me.

Bella: Yes, that would be cool. Tomorrow?

Edward: I didn't offer, I just made a suggestion.

Bella: Oh. *Stares at Edward's Volvo and starts to drool.*

Edward: What?

Bella: You have a nice car.

Edward: I know.

Bella: Why do you get cars like that if you want privacy?

Edward: Cause I want to look rich.

Bella: Oh.

*Jessica walks by*

Bella: Hey Jess!

Jessica: Like hi.

Edward: Hello Jessica *tries to look hot but fails epically.*

Jessica: Um, like, hi.

Edward: WHAT ARE YOU TELLING HER?

Bella: Nothing that's your business.

Edward: I will be watching.

LATER ON IN THE HALL

Mike: Hey Bells!

Bella: Hi.

Mike: How was shopping?

Bella: Fun...Jessica bought a dress...that you may like.

Mike: Really?

Bella: Yeah…

LATER IN TRIGINOMETRY

Jessica: Why'd, like, you, like, call, like, me, like, a, like, bitch?!

Bella: Sorry about that. I mean, I was with EDWARDDDD! *drools*

Jessica: Like, whatever, like, hater.

LATER IN LUNCH

Edward: You drooled over me and my car…which do you like more?

Bella: You-

Edward: ME! I knew.

Bella: I was going to say your car, but ok!

Edward: Want to come to my house?

Bella: What?

Edward: That's a yes; I'll get you at two.

Bella: Why are you so full of yourself?

Edward: Should I have a reason?

**A/N: Once again, sorry for the length. A bit short. On another note, if you are into Harry Potter check out my new drabbles for that series!**


End file.
